How Premarital Counseling Saved Our Marriage Before It Started

I never thought I'd be the type to go to couples counseling, let alone before I was even married. When my best friend suggested premarital counseling, I laughed it off. "We're fine," I told her. "Tony and I have been together for years. We know each other inside and out." 

But Sarah wouldn't let it go. "Just give it a try," she insisted. "Think of it as an investment in your future." I rolled my eyes, but her words stuck with me.

A week later, I found myself reluctantly agreeing when Tony brought up the idea. He'd been reading about it online and thought it sounded great. Of course he did – Tony's always been the more emotionally open one in our relationship.

Our first session was awkward. I felt like we were airing our dirty laundry to a stranger. But as we continued, something unexpected happened. We started uncovering issues we didn't even know we had.

It turned out Tony and I had very different ideas about what married life would look like. I assumed we'd keep our finances separate, while he envisioned joint accounts. He wanted kids within a year of marriage; I was thinking more like five years.

As we dug deeper, we realized how much our upbringings influenced our expectations. Tony's parents were all about traditional gender roles, while mine were more egalitarian. These differences were shaping our relationship in ways we hadn't recognized.

The counselor taught us techniques for better communication. I learned that my tendency to shut down during arguments stemmed from childhood experiences. Tony realized his need to "fix" everything was often counterproductive.

There were breakthrough moments that took my breath away. Like when Tony shared his deep-seated fear that he'd end up like his father, who'd walked out on his family. Or when I finally admitted how terrified I was of losing my identity in our marriage.

Slowly but surely, we started applying what we learned to our daily lives. Arguments that would have once spiraled out of control were now opportunities for understanding. We got better at expressing our needs and supporting each other.

As our wedding day approached, we worked on creating a shared vision for our future. We set goals together, discussed our values, and even created a budget we both felt good about.

On our wedding day, I felt a sense of calm and confidence I hadn't expected. We'd put in the work to build a strong foundation for our marriage. I looked at Tony and knew we were truly ready for this next chapter.

Now, whenever I hear friends complain about their relationships or stress about upcoming weddings, I find myself echoing Sarah's words: "Have you considered premarital counseling?"

It's not always easy. It requires vulnerability and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. But for us, it made all the difference. We entered our marriage with open eyes, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of each other.

I'm grateful we took that leap. What started as a skeptic's reluctant agreement turned into one of the best decisions we've ever made. Our marriage isn't perfect – no relationship is – but we have the tools to weather the storms together. And it all began before we even said "I do." 

By Tony and Steph